Thing of Beauty

If you happened to notice today was the day the internal combustion engine was patented. In honor of that I have decided to reprint a news story I read that ties in loosely to this theme.

Think ingenuity and booze.

In this photo released Tuesday, March 31, 2009, by the Newark (Ohio) Police Department, a motorized bar stool is shown. Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4 2009, they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower. Police say Kile Wygle, 28 was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers. Wygle told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph. (AP Photo/Newark (Ohio) Police Department

Patton Oswalt and the Truth

I’ve been listening to some of Patton Oswalt’s stand up the past few days and while I have been laughing myself silly I have also learned a thing or two. When I say learned what I really mean is that a truth I already knew has been revealed to me. This, I think, is the true worth of stand-up comedy. A person gets on stage and tells you things you didn’t know you already knew and they make you laugh while doing it.

What I learned from Mr. Oswalt today has to do with the Star Wars prequels. Before I listened to this routine I was sure I did not like any of the prequels and I was fairly sure I knew the reasons why. I missed a few. In his act Mr. Oswalt reveals some of the most convincing reasons I have encountered as to why these movies are absolute garbage. Forget Jar-Jar and terrible acting and a lead that conveys no emotion. Forget also really bad looking digital video that was hyped (there it is again!) as "The Thing That Would Soon Devour Film". Even, and I know this is a big one, forget the fact that Lucas decided to direct these movies himself -- despite the glaring evidence of the first trilogy why this would be a bad idea.

Now that we have forgotten these minor points (and believe me, I have more) let us get to what Mr. Oswalt targets as the problem: Lucas spends a good deal of time in the first two movies telling us about the really tough and evil characters we love, but about when they were sweet, innocent children. It had not occurred to me before listening to this bit but that, without a doubt, is exactly what is wrong with these movies. Let's look at one of the all time villains when he was a sweet and cuddly boy that life kept tromping on. Poor little Vader, don't cry now. The truth of the matter is very simple: I could not care less how Darth Vader came to be what he is. Not one bit. The same goes for any of the other characters in these films.

The Tale of Two Cuts

Despite a fairly impressive amount of negative media attention I decided to watch Babylon A.D. this past weekend. I was in the mood for a gritty, rough kind of action film and I was pretty sure that Vin Diesel would deliver. I didn't really get that from Babylon A.D.

Instead, what I ended up with was yet another DVD that decided to try and defeat poor reviews and box office performance by including two versions of the movie on the DVD. This is what we call the "Throw everything we shot at the audience and hope something sticks" technique.

This is not a new practice and, I have to admit, once upon a time I found this concept to be appealing. My thought process ran something like, "You have footage that is not properly edited, scored and lacking digital effects that you have decided to share with me?! I am ready!".

Lately I have found that I lack the interest to watch two different versions of the same film during a rental period (even a Netflix rental period) or even to sit through the deleted scenes which are served up as some rare delicacy. The reason for this is fairly simple, I’d like someone to decide what the movie is and I don’t think that person should be me.

Babylon A.D is a great example of the studio/director not presenting a unified front and giving the world one version of their movie. So instead the audience is given two versions of the film, neither of which is really complete. Now perhaps the two opposing camps did not have access to the same footage, or perhaps there was so much ill will floating around that they intentionally tried not to use the same footage but for some reason critical pieces of dialog and even portions of scenes are missing from both cuts.

What you end up with is one cut which we shall call "The Dark Cut" and the other which we shall call, "The Less Dark Cut". Now the only way that the viewer which we shall call "The Unsatisfied Customer" can actually see this movie and get all of the information they need in order to a) understand the movie's point and b) attempt to enjoy it is by watching both of these versions and mentally editing sections from each together.

I have never seen a case as severe as this, although I am sure there are probably worse. I have seen differences like with Die Hard 4.0 where one is missing a few expletives and the blood splatter is toned down. I have seen differences like with the numerous versions of Blade Runner where a dream sequence or a shot of an origami unicorn is missing.

My long-winded point I am trying to make here is that typically when studios and directors do this nonsense the cuts that are ultimately released differ in such slight ways that it is rather obvious as to why certain scenes, lines or shots were scrapped. The studio wanted a PG-13 rating or felt that shooting the dog would upset the audience too much. What is going on with Babylon A.D. is like being served up three-quarters of a movie in either version and being told "It's not my fault, blame the other guy."

Odd Post Day

So I just came across another little odd gem on the web and decided to post it here. For those of you not familiar with the site Craig'slist.org it's a free online publication featuring personals classified ad's. This particular ad was in a section called, "Missed Connections". It was posted in 2004.

My foot - your ass missed connections

Being a humanitarian and a friend to all cats, I often let my cat Fredrico outside to do, well, whatever cats do outdoors. Crap in the neighbor’s garden, fornicate, frolic, etc etc. It's 3 am, The bars let out, and I'm now out trying to save my cat’s ass from another kicking. I saw you kick Fredrico last month and if it wasn't for my broken toe, I'd would have run you down and broken another toe off in your ass!

Fredrico is a loving cat and being he's slightly over weight (25 lbs or so), he is not prone to getting out of the way of soccer hooligan style shenanigans. I've thought deeply about how to prevent poor Fredrico's ass from another booting, and that would be to keep him indoors all the time. This will not do; Fredrico needs his exercise. I’ve thought about get him a tread mill and possible send him on a couple of vacations a year, He loves to climbing and believe it or not Fredrico takes to the water like an otter. However, given our financial situation, right now those options are not available. Fredrico is on disability and I'm the only one bringing home a check these days, damn economy.

Now, this leaves me no alternative. To all of you who have not kicked Fredrico's ass, but given the opportunity couldn't resist a puss on boots escapade; please take note. I will be baiting the Wicker Park & Bucktown neighborhoods with Paper Mache look a likes of Fredrico, however, these look a likes will be filled with scrap metal. Please refrain from kicking my decoys, unless you like Musac, emergency rooms, and needles.

And if by chance I get to you before you get off into a cab, ambulance, or whatever; be prepared to answer to an angry Fredrico.

Fredrico is now on a diet and has been working out since this unpleasant incident. I've attached weights to all of his toys and he's been sparing with our neighbor's toy dog. Fredrico's got some moves.... Beware cat kicker, we’re on to you.


Regards,

Fredrico's Roommate & best buddy.



P.S. Fredrico would also like to add; “ FFFFFFFFFFTTT!!!”

I am at a loss for words here

I came across this article today about the organization PETA and a certain Mr. Clooney. There is really not much else I can say, take a gander:
Washington Post article

Music Madness

I came across an article the other day that I found rather interesting. I call it an article but really it is just a few lines talking about the music acts that earned the most money last year. I am pasting it below:

Madonna Tops Highest Earner List
12 February 2009 8:35 AM, PST

Pop superstar Madonna is the highest earning star in the music business - bringing in a massive $242 million (£167 million) in 2008.

The Holiday hitmaker released her latest album Hard Candy last year and launched her Sticky & Sweet world tour.
And all the hard work has paid off for the singer - she has topped Billboard's Moneymakers list of 2008, earning a grand total of $242,176,466 (£167,018024).

Rockers Bon Jovi came second in the poll, followed by Bruce Springsteen, The Police and Celine Dion, all of whom toured last year.

The top 10 is as follows:
1. Madonna: $242 million (£167 million)
2. Bon Jovi: $157 million (£108 million)
3. Bruce Springsteen: $156, million (£107 million)
4. The Police: $109, million (£75 million)
5. Celine Dion: $99,171,237 (£68 million)
6. Kenny Chesney: $90 (£62 million)
7. Neil Diamond: $82 (£56 million)
8. Rascal Flatts: $63 million (£43 million)
9= Jonas Brothers: $62 million (£42 million)
9= Coldplay: $62 million (£42 million).

Let's ignore the fact that only numbers three and four are worth seeing in concert or listening too, is anyone else noticing something rather odd here?

Defeating Hype

I have been meaning to write here more frequently and I have devised a means that I hope will ensure weekly posts. Starting today I will be posting about movies that have been touched by one of the greatest curses I know of: hype.

For most people hype is part of the marketing package for every film, book or song that is released. Marketing has reached the sad state of claiming everything is bigger, faster and better than everything that came before. For some reason we are still swallowing these lies and forgetting that something cannot be both new and improved.

All that being said I would like to take a little time and talk about films that have suffered from this affliction, films that have been given inordinate sums of praise and have lived to tell the tale.


Film #1

Children of Men

Like every film on this list, when Children of Men was released I was already tired of hearing about it. In additional to the regular fanfare made about movies, the ad banners, splash pages and pop ups I also came across numerous articles and reviews that lauded the film.

The director, Alfonso Cuaron, had already won over many with his previous efforts like Y Tu Mama Tambien, despite having also made films like The Little Princess and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I think that any director who has worked on the Harry Potter series is bound to receive a fair amount of attention when their new films are released (although the present director, David Yates seems somehow to avoid the spotlight) but the amount of press and acclaim Children of Men received seemed disproportionate despite this.

Perhaps it was because Clive Owen, the film's lead, had recently emerged as one of Hollywood's new leading men; or because the subject matter for the film had that bleak, post-apocalyptic feel that signifies an important work. Whatever the reason --everyone was talking about Children of Men.

Needless to say my own hang-ups and short-comings caused me to quickly become disinterested with the film. Imagine my surprise and joy when I finally plucked up the courage and rented the movie. The opening sequence of the film is powerful, engaging and completely engrossing. Everything that I had been expecting of the film was immediately forgotten and the long takes soon had me absorbed in the way that you always hope a movie will.

By the time I grasped what the story was about, what the actual conflict of the movie was, I knew I was watching something that I would never forget. The number of sequences in this film that are unexpected, heartbreaking and visually arresting are too numerous to mention. The story being told is so wonderfully simple, the plot so fantastically clear and straightforward, that the viewer is allowed to sit back and enjoy the show.

Children of Men achieves what all movies should aspire to achieve: it is a compelling piece of art that is as thought-provoking as it is entertaining.

Preaching to the Converted

I fully recognize that this post may just do nobody any good. I want to take just a moment and say a little something about the site Withoutabox.

Chances are if you have written a screenplay or made a movie that you already know about the site, but, in case you do not, I wanted to mention it.

I love this site because it addresses the biggest problem with the web: too much information and too few means to help sift through this information. Withoutabox is a dream come true for filmmakers looking to submit their work to film festivals (and I believe much more now) by streamlining the submission process and providing information about hundreds of film festivals all over the world. Think of it like one-stop shopping for those interested in finding new festivals, a place to learn the submission guidelines and costs for submitting to these festivals and a site that allows you to monitor all of the submissions you have made.

What they have done is made it so you can spend a lot more time doing the important work concerning your film and much less time jumping through the submission hoops. These people deserve our thanks and some hot oatmeal cookies.

https://www.withoutabox.com/

Trailer Love

I love movies and I love trailers for movies. My love of trailers is strange because it extends even to movies that have already been released and even to films that I have seen.

Often when I watch a movie with my wife, especially when it is one that we own and we watch fairly often, I will try and watch all the trailers before the film. Sometimes she suffers through and sometimes she gives me that look that tells me tonight is not the night for this nonsense. In either case I nearly always want to sit through them and take the trailers in.

For those of you who enjoy a good trailer for a movie and are interested, in particular, in seeing trailers for new movies, I’d like to recommend the Apple website. I came across their trailer page a few years ago and I have had it bookmarked ever since. They have recently revamped their page so that it hides many of their older trailers but if you have the patience I suggest digging through the links. Not only to they get most new trailers but they also hang on to older ones for quite some time. It’s a treat to be able to view so many trailers in one location -- commercial free I might add. Not only that but you can watch them in various formats (they even have ones for your Ipod).

http://www.apple.com/trailers/

P!nk - Stupid Girls

I am not really sure what to say about this. I am in %100 agreement with what Pink is putting forth in this video. Ready thy bomb shelter.

The Joys of Youtube

Let's be clear, by and large Youtube is a gigantic waste of time. Up until very recently I could count on one hand the number of things I witnessed on Youtube that I considered worthwhile. Why, oh why, am I writing about it then?

I came across two parodies today that I feel are too good to keep to myself. I find these parodies so wonderful because they are both making the same, wonderful point. The lyrics of hip-hop are stupid. That's it, I wrote it.

I generally don't like hip-hop for a variety of reasons, the largest one being that I didn't really grow up with it and every time I try and listen to any it feels forced, fake and disconnected from my life. I feel like anyone can listen to Frank Sinatra and connect to the things he is singing about, even if you feel that the way he is singing is very alien to you. I don't have any kind of connection generally to the message being put forth in most hip-hop.

What I enjoy about both of these parodies is that they deliberately focus on the lyrics of these two popular songs and how inane they are. Each video approaches this in it's own way and I felt that including both of them would benefit everyone.

I'll get off my soapbox now but I'd like to make one more point first. Most hip-hop artists do not play instruments and, I believe most are not even responsible for the creation of their new (or reworked) beats. So what, then, are they responsible for? They lyrics and the manner they are delivered in. One aspect of the song is what they are truly responsible for and what gems come of this?

Timbaland - The Way I Are OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO

Bad Grammar - The Way I Are Parody ft. HotforWords

Title says it all.

My humps (Black Eyed Peas)

The Original

Alanis Morissette

The Parody.

My Love for Netflix

I’d like to say a few words now about Netflix, my love for them and how my Mac and I found a way to work with the Netflix web site.

Let’s recap quickly. Up until about six years ago I rented all of my movies from stores. I moved from Austin, Texas (which had incredible stores that specialized in different kinds of videos to rent) to Washington, DC (which has terrible video stores that don’t seem to know what movies really are). Depression soon set in. I reached out for help (Read: complained to anyone who would listen) and someone mentioned this company called Netflix.

Flash forward to now. I have been with Netflix ever since (except for October of this year when I attempted to switch over to Blockbuster’s online rental service) and I have been very happy with them.

Why do I like Netflix? They offer a lot of movies and they are constantly adding new titles to their inventory. They do not exclude any particular genre and they offer a wide range of plan options that allow rabid and casual movie-watchers alike renting choices that make sense.

They also have a feature called instant viewing that allows you to....I think you know what it allows you to do.

Now, when my desktop died in November I found myself in a bit of a situation because that left the two laptops, one of which my wife lives on when she is home. That meant one computer for me, which admittedly should not be a problem. Oh, gentle reader, if only that were so. You see, this computer is a Mac.

While the clever commercials they commit to celluloid would have you believe otherwise, there are, in fact, quite a few things that Macs still do not do. For example, their internet browser is not compatible with Netflix’s instant viewing.

In the effort to save you all the pain I have felt I will tell you my recent discovery, the web browser Firefox does work with Netflix and it can be downloaded to your Mac (more on Firefox later, for we know each other quite well and have many stories to share).

So now, after months of being without my sweet, sweet instant viewing (in the evenings during the day we often snuggle) I am back.

I would like to add that the titles offered through instant viewing are greatly limited compared to the normal rentals but many wonderful surprises are to be found in this section for those willing to search.

Steven Soderbergh

I haven't written much here about Mr. Soderbergh which is somewhat surprising. I tend to talk about him quite a bit and think about him even more, so this absence shows me just how wrongheaded I have been about posting here. I will lighten up and start posting more.

To sum up my feelings about Mr. Soderbergh briefly I will say this -- I like his attitude about making movies and his role as a director and whenever I read or see and interview with him or listen to a commentary on one of his movies I am always impressed. I have not heard much concerning Mr. Soderbergh of late and I had assumed this was because he had so many problems with his most recent film, the Che biopic. I can safely say my own distraction is the reason for this lack of news. After reading the following interview:
Steven Soderbergh Article
it is quite clear he is as busy as ever.

What I like best about this director is his attitude concerning commercial and critical success. As most everyone knows his career began with a film that heralded a resurgence in American independent film (as well as numerous awards and critical acclaim). Since that time many of his films has been both commercial failures and poorly received by the critics. Despite this fact I have yet to encounter an interview or a commentary that expressed bitterness, resentment or finger-pointing for these failures. Instead what any reader or watcher will encounter is Mr. Soderbergh assuming all responsibility for these failures and a very cool and calm attitude concerning them. What he has said numerous times, and what I find to be most admirable, is that if he is the director and something in the film is not good or if the film itself does not work -- then he is to blame. Not the actor, not the studio but him. It's a very rare kind of statement for a director to make and it endears him greatly to me.

The above linked article is largely about his most recent endeavor, the Che Biopic, which runs somewhere around four and a half hours long and is being shown as two separate films. I suggest anyone interested in how such a film comes to be made (by here I am referring mostly to the length) read this article. Mr. Soderbergh is detailed in explaining the process and logic behind the creation of this film and allows those of us on the outside of the film industry a peek into this mysterious world.

I cannot stress strongly enough how helpful I find the comments and responses Mr. Soderbergh offers to any questions regarding his work. Rather than offering general statements he is specific in how decisions are made and why. In the case of this film he explains why the story ballooned from one section of Che’s life in Boliva to begin incorporating other important moments and how this affected everything else. I feel most filmmakers tend to gloss over these stages of the process of making a film in order to keep the story simple and I wish they did not. Being told of the way this film morphed over the years, and why he made the decisions he did to change the film in a step-by-step fashion, Mr. Soderbergh offers practical insights I think any emerging filmmaker will find both helpful and interesting.